Ger’s Terrors

October 12, 2006

Red Lights Flashing

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 2:16 am

  Nothing like almost getting in a wreck in a cop car on a rainy October night…because the officer is going WAY too fast to arrive at the scene of an accident…and the cop car is ancient with bald tires and the red lights are flashing and she – the blonde 37 year-old cop who just graduated from the academy – is driving, again, like I said, WAY too fast on I-35 South in KC and we almost hit a civilan

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June 9, 2006

I’m a Peppercorn Next to the Soccer Ball in Poetry

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 4:56 am

So, discouragement today.  A warm, stuffy day with sunshine and I walk into the shade of Cockefair Hall to meet with Dr. Boisseau, the head of the Poetry Dept. at UMKC.  A nice, round, gray-black haired lady and she is none too glad to see me.  But she has offered to help advise me on possible classes for the fall, so I am anxious to meet with her.  She has also hopefully ready my MA application w/my statement of goals and some pitiful poetry.  Well, turns out that my work "isnt really where it needs to be."  I don't think that means the English Department misplaced it.  Sigh.  I suck.  She doesn't bat much of a non-mascaraed eye when she tells me my work isn't up to par, and the expression on her face is svelte, streamlined in it's effort to convey both detached helpfulness, compassion for the retarded, plus not too much encouragment.

    Her office is in the basement of the English Department, so maybe that explains the ennui; Room16 is in ear and eye shot of the janitor's open-door hideaway with the boiler room and brooms.  Crinkly, aged pictures of authors scotch-taped to the blue cinder-block walls.  One nice 5 X 7 of a smiling middle-aged man holding a toddler boy.  Hers?  Dr. Boisseau is holding a Nike soccer ball and explains she used it as a visual aid during the speech she just gave; something about comparing the soccer ball and a pepper corn as an analogy of the earth and the sun and some other important concept I can't remember: I think it had something to do with understatement, but all I can think of is the soccer ball and the fact that she didn't smile or introduce herself to me as an opening; I had to extend my hand and introduce myself.  Sigh.  I am important.

I'm sure she meant well.  She did, afterall, give me thirty minutes of her time trying to explain the MA program, there is no MFA, and she did try to answer my questions as best she could about writing, how difficult it was to prepare a portfolio for publishing, how one should only take one creative writing class a semester because of the focus writing takes, and how very much work writing takes; how long it takes (years and years) in order to develop into a good writer.  She's right, I'm sure.  But I came away discouraged about writing.  Not about the work so much, but the possibility of work not being of much value.  That's where I have to examine – am I wanting to write just so I can be "cool" or "artistic" or "respected?"  I would have to definitely say that is part of it.  I enjoy writing, but I do want people to read me, and I don't think I actually have that much to say.

March 29, 2006

Achey Breaky Heart and Mahatma’s Nose Hairs

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 3:18 am

I gave Mahatma a haircut today.  Even trimmed his nose hairs – at his request.  You know you love someone when you cut their nose hairs.  It's easy to cut hair, you just attach clipper #1 to the buzzer (#1 trims your locks to 1/8 of an inch, kind of Natalie Portman "V" style or whatever the current sci-fi drone look is). I watch as tufts of soft white-grey fuzz drop into the wastebasket from my clippers.

Mahatma and I also went shopping at "Walmarts" for Lubriderm lotion, hearing aid batteries, bananas, oranges, and one 3-way bulb (50-15-250 watts).  It was pretty exciting.  So difficult to leave the assisted living facility this afternoon when a Real Live Band was playing in the main living room; they were playing "Achey Brakey Heart" with a twang and the staff was country line dancing.  But I was so happy to see all the folks out of their rooms and clapping and dancing, walkers and all!

March 16, 2006

Jogging, Hiking, and Limbos

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 3:21 am

It’s SPRING!  Fresh and windy today, a little gray, a little sunny, a little green; all things wonderful.  I jogged and walked four miles in Loose Park this afternoon, and it felt so refreshing. 

So, I wonder if our friends Terry and Lorna have left on their… trip to begin the hike of the Appalachian Trail.  We pinned the four-foot long map of the trail to a wall in our kitchen and will keep track of their exhausted whereabouts as they hike from the starting point in Georgia until the end in Maine.  I am mighty impressed, but to tell you the truth, I am wondering if it will be physically possible to hike 18 miles a day as planned, with 25 lb. backpacks.  There will be stories to tell after this one!

I’m supposed to be writing more.  I’ve been scooting away from entering thoughts on a page, including this journal.  That has to change…I’ll never get anywhere unless I write – and submit.  I plan to write a few different articles:  one about Jordan’s eighth grade year spent in an alternative high school (and I mean alternative:  12 students and a former Marine Special Forces dude for a teacher) and also an article about my year dropping out from suburban-momness and going back to college and living in a college town on my own in a tiny apartment.  And maybe an article on transitions in people’s lives; times when they’re inbetween; the tiny limbos that foment growth. 

In the meantime, I’ve just been running down lawn sprinkler guys, rounding up bids on replacing windows, lingering too much in furniture stores, and painting our dining room wall in eight different shades of browns and caramels and wheatgrass in order to find just the right hue to enhance conversation.  In the middle of all this, the heater upstairs went completely out – cracked – and was oozing carbon monoxide.  The heat/ac guy said, “I shut ‘er down!” so now I’m working with our home warranty and a contractor to get our heater replaced.  Too bad it’s supposed to turn cold again this weekend – 37 degrees with snow flurries possible…sigh…back to the little ol garage heater in the bedroom again.

January 26, 2006

Is Drooling and Doddering Contagious?

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 3:13 am

   So, we are sleeping alone.  Paul is lying in the guest bedroom of his mother’s house, in the basement.  I am lying in the guest bedroom of my dad’s house, in the basement.  We live in Kansas City, Missouri, and tonight we sleep in Wichita, Kansas, and having been married twenty-seven years, we are sleeping apart again in the homes of our parents, in the basement.    All I can think is that his basement is better than mine.

     I am staying at we have come to call the Mahatma Hilton, as my fahter is as thin, brown, and beggarly as Gandhi.  My father is not ungenerous, he just doesn’t require much, so tonight I will slumber on a foam twin mattress covered with one-half of a thirty-five year old harvest gold blanket.   The basement is wonderful, however, for it is cooler than the upstairs, where my ninety-one year old Pa has zoomed the thermostat up to 85 degrees.  Paul sleeps at a comparable 80 degrees, but his sheets are floral matching Ralph Lauren.  We call his digs the Mary Marriott.  I wonder how he’s feeling.  Should we sneak out and go parking?   

   Paul is visiting his mom, who suffered a mild stroke two years ago in May.  He is supposed to help her with  the internet and email.  Mary knows how to do email, but not everyday.  Sometimes the buttons change.  Getting an email from Mary is akin to the theory of randomness:  supposedly a dozen monkeys, given an adequate period of time at a keyboard, say, a thousand years, will eventually peck out on the keyboard the entire works of Shakespeare.  Mary eventually pecks out an email that goes:  Soo hapy to see you.  Wallpaper iz down, but we are ve4y happy.  LOVe to all, MAry.  I love Mary, and she is definitely in line for sainthood so self-sacrificing and kind she has been.  Yet some older adults should no longer drive cars, and Mary should no longer email. 

Please tell me when I should no longer email.  Although don’t tell me this tomorrow or even later this week.   I say this because I’m deathly afraid of getting older and losing any of my abilities, after watching at electron-microscope nearness my father’s decline.  Ray, who taught pilots to fly in World War II, shoving their heads to the side outside of open cockpits when they were about to throw up in the cabin from learning loop-de-loops, can no longer zip his  own jacket or fasten his safety belt.  He grins and says, “Got it!” whenever he can make his safety belt click on his own in my car.  He totters, sometimes backwards into bushes.  I cut up his hamburger at McDonald’s.  He is as sharp as you or I on a good day, commenting when I took him and his 92 year old sister out to dinner in tandem, both with their respective walkers:  “Geri, you’re gonna have to get your own walker in self-defense.”  The problem is he has macular degeneration and can’t see or read.  He also can’t hear and wears two hearing aids.  Don’t ever go blind, because you will have no privacy – no more strange internet roving or personal expenditures on porn or gambling or sci fi, – if you’re blind and someone has to read all your bills, the game is up. I dread, dread, dread spending time with him, with all old people right now because I’m afraid I’ll get old and decrepit too.  Is there a flu shot for it?

January 18, 2006

Missing ****

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 5:48 am

I am missing  ****.  Don’t ask why, I don’t know.  The only good thing about missing **** is that it’s ridiculous, and it’s nice to be ridiculous at 50.   

Hello world!

Filed under: Uncategorized — edendream @ 5:40 am

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